The Friends Series - Friend #2

Some Comebacks Need Cake

This is a story about a very specific Cake.

Listening to a podcast about memory and absolutely feeling wrecked about mine- a memory out of nowhere emerged to my frontal lobe (Note to self: listen again to podcast because it might not be the frontal lobe) –

My memory has always been…Scruffy.

All over the place, random and fails me at times I would need it the most. Those who know me well have suffered from this once or twice or continuously. I double-plan sometimes more, which frequently puts my friends in forced socialization mode with people who to put it delicately – they can’t stand. I forget I made plans, to share plans and I’d say I’d call but never remember to do so.

**KINDLY CHECK FOOTNOTES FOR A DISCALIMER

Back to the cake story.  At the age of 16 – and I am 100% sure of the number because of how central it is. I was going to celebrate the 2 birthdays of 2 friends who coincidentally share 1 name. The problem was they were the parties were on opposite ends of the city.

Me with my bad memory, shitty planning skills and overall sense of delusion when it comes to how time works – thought I could make it to both. EASY!

I ended up missing one of them and showing up pretty late to her party- Thursday traffic in Cairo – by the time I was there the party was over and she was on her way home, and I think as far as 16-year-olds at the time- chipped our friendship. Now at the time that was a BIG deal. Not only did I miss her party- I also showed how she wasn’t a priority – and that hurts- at any age I would say.

The next morning, I had a plan- went to the only place that would be opened that early –

CAKE

CANDLES

GRAND GESTURE (To my 16-year-old self) 

It didn’t really work- it was a cold shoulder- rightfully so.

The next day however, we talked about it and the opener was how much her Mom loved the cake and said it was her favorite, how when you heat the chocolate sauce and put it on the cake its PERFECT. I am not sure if this was how I originally liked it but it’s the only way I’d ever eat it moving forward. She explained how she felt and how one of her friends didn’t do me any favors with saying maybe I didn’t care enough, or we weren’t as close as she’d thought. (My memory is fuzzy about the conversation with the friend)

Now the hero of my story is her Mom really – she did me a solid. In my head back then and now I know that somehow, she made it all better over cake. We could’ve gotten over this situation alone I’d like to hope, but sometimes knowing that someone would vouch for you makes it all better in way. I think she fixed-patched it?

I think of how many times I might have unintentionally made someone feel like I’ve abandoned them on a highlight in their lives. I wonder if some of them never got cake as a token of consolidation – and is “cake” ever enough?

I’d like to think that every phase in my life has its people who showed up. I don’t think it’s realistic to expect so much consistency from one person. I’m not saying I have lived up to that and I am somewhat weighted by disappointment from some people. I, however, would like to think that if someone shows up later with cake – we can sit down, have our cake and eat it too and pick it off somewhere.

1-      For the love of cake.

2-      I want to be this open to people who crossed paths with me in life.

3-      My subjective memory wouldn’t serve me much but maybe we can both untangle and understand something new or buried about ourselves and if it meant anything – our friendship.

4-      I insist you pay for the cake.

I am not sure if this somewhere is where we left off and the trajectory of friendships can change according to that- but friendships that matter endure failed expectations and give space for comebacks. If you show up and roll with the punches-it’s something in my world.

Some comebacks require nothing, other cakes, some need time – but a lifeline is key.

I can’t pretend that being hurt or hurting people doesn’t come with consequences, but if we’ve never been in treacherous waters together and came afloat- how do we know we’d survive life together?

My gesture of cake wouldn’t have worked without her MOM in the picture- and I love her for that. Because my friendship with her daughter is one of the most precious in my life. From afar here is what I took out of the cake situation.

 I’d vouch for people whenever I can and try to put things into a perspective that would harness any shred of forgiveness.

She celebrated life and made room for laughter and small moments that make life magical at best and tolerable on average. Always had a good joke in the face of adversity.

On a total sidenote, she was a gorgeous woman who looked good effortlessly. The kind of person who looks gorgeous on a Tuesday morning and a Wednesday night. Not only did she look like someone cropped from a glamorous 60s movie consistently, she was always surrounded by art. It’s like she walked in a curated frame from a director’s cut who is brilliant and we are all walking in low resolution frames.

On other occasions I showed up with the same cake to her house – so I do hope she really liked it and wasn’t just the brilliant patch-up magic.  

I hope her daughter knows that at 16+1 Day and at 35 – she will always and forever feel like home and I hope we never need cake to patch things up knowing I’d show up-at least I’d try to.

This year we rang in my birthday together, cruising in a car in a time where life was so hard for her-she got me lollipops and chocolate and her showing up and insisting to stay till midnight was everything, and made me feel like that shitty 16-year-old me could use a fucking slap for ever not showing up and falling short.

It’s 19 years later – however I am sorry for then and any shortcomings now- I owe you some good cheese.

**This is an open apology if you have ever endured my forced socialization but also some of you found new friends. YAY for everyone.

**Profoundly SORRY about my double planning, not showing up and forgetting to ring you up. It was rarely a choice.

**To my introverted bunch – it took me years to understand what an introvert is and for that I wholeheartedly apologize for wrecking your nervous system.